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Update time, I suppose. And I think I'm going to start trying to update this weekly. We'll see how that works out, but I need to write more, even if it does seem a bit against my nature to self promote (or self angst) amongst friends. Now colleagues? Different story, but that's business as they say - whoever 'they' are. And to preface? Should anything I write strike you as a personal attack? It isn't. Were I looking to do so, I'd send you a note. This is me doing a bit of a brain download, so to speak...
"Roll with the changes." It's a phrase everyone's heard, but while being cliche' it's also good advice. Sort of a more modern summary of the parable of the oak tree who stood against the wind and was blown down as opposed to the billowing reed who yielded to the wind and survived. It's been a hair more than a year since I turned 31, so what changes have I been rolling with?
In looking back at this time last year in my journal, I wasn't especially cheery. I felt trapped in a part of the country I wasn't fond of, in a job that had me over-stressed and decidedly underpaid and with the feelings of hopeless despair that comes from watching the sands of time pour through an hourglass while my friends achieved milestones in their lives (granted, with either different circumstances than I was in or with some fairly nice outside help...) and I...stood still. Continuing to rent instead of buying a home, staying in the same stagnant job instead of progressing in my career, wondering why I had wasted so much of my blood, sweat and tears turned into money for a degree I wasn't using.
A lot of the angst and unhappiness was of my own doing. I could have quit, I could have moved someplace else, I could have asked for help. Unfortunately, none of those things were really options for me. Personally, I find myself unable to quit one job without another, unwilling to simply leave for ports unknown without a plan and with the sense that others need help more than I do that only comes from years of dogged self reliance driven by a myriad of self personal self-value issues.
And then in November, and opportunity presented itself. Just as I was feeling let down after what was probably the 8th time I had come to just the end of the interview road only to be told 'Yeah, thanks but we found someone better...," I was told that one of the companies I was working with was interested in filling an open spot - an open spot that I was literally a perfect fit for. So I jumped at it.It took some work, some trust a few leaps of faith ("Hey, [Supervisor at the time that I've worked with for 6 years and who now counts on me for all the lower and mid level management responsibilities after a massive downsizing], would you mind calling this company we work for and giving them permission to interview me so I can leave this job and move onto the next one? Oh, and please don't go apeshit on me for letting you know I'm trying to leave, reducing your staff once again by 50%. Thanks!) and an airplane ride to Portland, OR., I had taken the next step in my career. There are more details to the story, but we'll keep this top level instead of diving into the weeds, for now.
I'd previously written about the move, the new job, and life in northern Oregon, so I won't belabor those points again, but there are some of the changes to which I alluded. I live in a new place, in a new home (still renting, but that's hopefully going to change this coming year) and with a whole new set of challenges. I'm happy about that, and that makes for a whole different headspace than I had been in many years past. For example, the projects I've been driving look to net my company about $4M in gross sales between the 3d and 4th quarter. It's been hard work being both a salesman and a project manager, a diplomat and a taskmaster all while learning a new set of ropes, but it's been a lot of fun. Just this week past was a meeting with our top leadership where the game of 'nail the new guy to the wall' ended with "Huh. This guy has himself pretty locked and loaded." No-one knocked me off my pedistal during that particular jousting match with the heavy hitters.
Most recently, and almost a month back, I marked my 32nd revolution around the sun. It was largely an unnoticed affair, which I blame on myself. I've not been around my friends much these few years past, which I fear has rendered me a bit of a memory of 'back in the day' as opposed to someone my old friends notice or think about (and to be clear - the few folks that reached out to wish me a pleasant day absolutely made my day!). While I was a bit melancholy on the days surrounding, I'm going to try something that's a bit outside of my 'I'll just move on by myself under my own power' nature - I've started a little side project reaching out to some of my friends from the past with a little letter-writing campaign, which I announced on twitter. While that only received a scant few responses when compared to the number of people who subscribe to my 143 character drivel, the prospect of hand writing a note to a few long-lost (and admittedly, not so long lost!) friends was appealing. I'm learning that it's better to have a few friends that you keep up with and who keep up with you than to have a plethora of acquaintances who put no more stock in you than any nameless person that might run across at a con. I'm slowly working my way through the first few letters, and may solicit interested parties for future writing projects in the future. We'll see.
The mention of a con makes me think about my future plans where I might run into some of my current and former associates, and I can't say I have a firm idea when I'll attend the next one, despite being so close to Rainfurence. I have a room reserved for FC this year, but I have no idea if I'll attend or simply offer the room up or discard it and call the deposit the 'cost of doing business,' where 'business' would suggest reconnecting with friends past. I've also considered hitting up a con that isn't on the west coast, as I've accumulated a goodly number of frequent flyer miles, hotel miles and so on that would make travel affordable, save the food/con expenses. Nothing firm, but still...thoughts.
The last thing that's been on my mind has been how I should go about reconnecting with some of my friends, with the goal being to be more involved, and have my friends, more involved in my life, but I'm at a loss. I've been so far removed, as I've mentioned, that I fear I've lost the knack for socializing online as so many of my peers do. Mostly, I'm terrible about assuming that my messages opening a conversation are either ill-timed or unwelcome - which is something that I'm trying to overcome. I shant expect that will change overnight, but still - should you get a random message from me, that's why. And should you have read this far and find yourself bored and so inclined, feel free to reach out. Even if I'm not the most verbose to start, I swear, it's not you, and I'll be working to be more outgoing.
So many changes. And while change is scary, change is also a good thing. Rolling with it isn't always ideal, but if you don't, you stop and stagnate. If you do...you move forward. So I chose to roll with the changes, and see where I end up between now and year 33.
With that, I think it's time for a late dinner and a bit of music that's less introspective and more neutral...
Thanks for reading, and I hope this finds you well.
"Roll with the changes." It's a phrase everyone's heard, but while being cliche' it's also good advice. Sort of a more modern summary of the parable of the oak tree who stood against the wind and was blown down as opposed to the billowing reed who yielded to the wind and survived. It's been a hair more than a year since I turned 31, so what changes have I been rolling with?
In looking back at this time last year in my journal, I wasn't especially cheery. I felt trapped in a part of the country I wasn't fond of, in a job that had me over-stressed and decidedly underpaid and with the feelings of hopeless despair that comes from watching the sands of time pour through an hourglass while my friends achieved milestones in their lives (granted, with either different circumstances than I was in or with some fairly nice outside help...) and I...stood still. Continuing to rent instead of buying a home, staying in the same stagnant job instead of progressing in my career, wondering why I had wasted so much of my blood, sweat and tears turned into money for a degree I wasn't using.
A lot of the angst and unhappiness was of my own doing. I could have quit, I could have moved someplace else, I could have asked for help. Unfortunately, none of those things were really options for me. Personally, I find myself unable to quit one job without another, unwilling to simply leave for ports unknown without a plan and with the sense that others need help more than I do that only comes from years of dogged self reliance driven by a myriad of self personal self-value issues.
And then in November, and opportunity presented itself. Just as I was feeling let down after what was probably the 8th time I had come to just the end of the interview road only to be told 'Yeah, thanks but we found someone better...," I was told that one of the companies I was working with was interested in filling an open spot - an open spot that I was literally a perfect fit for. So I jumped at it.It took some work, some trust a few leaps of faith ("Hey, [Supervisor at the time that I've worked with for 6 years and who now counts on me for all the lower and mid level management responsibilities after a massive downsizing], would you mind calling this company we work for and giving them permission to interview me so I can leave this job and move onto the next one? Oh, and please don't go apeshit on me for letting you know I'm trying to leave, reducing your staff once again by 50%. Thanks!) and an airplane ride to Portland, OR., I had taken the next step in my career. There are more details to the story, but we'll keep this top level instead of diving into the weeds, for now.
I'd previously written about the move, the new job, and life in northern Oregon, so I won't belabor those points again, but there are some of the changes to which I alluded. I live in a new place, in a new home (still renting, but that's hopefully going to change this coming year) and with a whole new set of challenges. I'm happy about that, and that makes for a whole different headspace than I had been in many years past. For example, the projects I've been driving look to net my company about $4M in gross sales between the 3d and 4th quarter. It's been hard work being both a salesman and a project manager, a diplomat and a taskmaster all while learning a new set of ropes, but it's been a lot of fun. Just this week past was a meeting with our top leadership where the game of 'nail the new guy to the wall' ended with "Huh. This guy has himself pretty locked and loaded." No-one knocked me off my pedistal during that particular jousting match with the heavy hitters.
Most recently, and almost a month back, I marked my 32nd revolution around the sun. It was largely an unnoticed affair, which I blame on myself. I've not been around my friends much these few years past, which I fear has rendered me a bit of a memory of 'back in the day' as opposed to someone my old friends notice or think about (and to be clear - the few folks that reached out to wish me a pleasant day absolutely made my day!). While I was a bit melancholy on the days surrounding, I'm going to try something that's a bit outside of my 'I'll just move on by myself under my own power' nature - I've started a little side project reaching out to some of my friends from the past with a little letter-writing campaign, which I announced on twitter. While that only received a scant few responses when compared to the number of people who subscribe to my 143 character drivel, the prospect of hand writing a note to a few long-lost (and admittedly, not so long lost!) friends was appealing. I'm learning that it's better to have a few friends that you keep up with and who keep up with you than to have a plethora of acquaintances who put no more stock in you than any nameless person that might run across at a con. I'm slowly working my way through the first few letters, and may solicit interested parties for future writing projects in the future. We'll see.
The mention of a con makes me think about my future plans where I might run into some of my current and former associates, and I can't say I have a firm idea when I'll attend the next one, despite being so close to Rainfurence. I have a room reserved for FC this year, but I have no idea if I'll attend or simply offer the room up or discard it and call the deposit the 'cost of doing business,' where 'business' would suggest reconnecting with friends past. I've also considered hitting up a con that isn't on the west coast, as I've accumulated a goodly number of frequent flyer miles, hotel miles and so on that would make travel affordable, save the food/con expenses. Nothing firm, but still...thoughts.
The last thing that's been on my mind has been how I should go about reconnecting with some of my friends, with the goal being to be more involved, and have my friends, more involved in my life, but I'm at a loss. I've been so far removed, as I've mentioned, that I fear I've lost the knack for socializing online as so many of my peers do. Mostly, I'm terrible about assuming that my messages opening a conversation are either ill-timed or unwelcome - which is something that I'm trying to overcome. I shant expect that will change overnight, but still - should you get a random message from me, that's why. And should you have read this far and find yourself bored and so inclined, feel free to reach out. Even if I'm not the most verbose to start, I swear, it's not you, and I'll be working to be more outgoing.
So many changes. And while change is scary, change is also a good thing. Rolling with it isn't always ideal, but if you don't, you stop and stagnate. If you do...you move forward. So I chose to roll with the changes, and see where I end up between now and year 33.
With that, I think it's time for a late dinner and a bit of music that's less introspective and more neutral...
Thanks for reading, and I hope this finds you well.
